December 29, 2008

Wall Street lingo - new

CEO- Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO- Corporate Fraud Officer

Bull Market- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband gets no sex.

Value investing- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E Ratio- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Broker- What my broker has made me.

Standard & Poor- Your life in a nutshell.

Stock analyst- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock split- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

Market Correction- The day after you buy stocks.

Cash flow- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Yahoo- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

Windows- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

Institutional investor- Past year's investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

Profit- An archaic word no longer in use.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Remarkable phrase